On those days when parenting is a struggle, it helps to have some soothing strategies on hand. Whether for you, or for your kids, or for all of you!
I recently interviewed Andrea Papin, RTC for the Parenting with PTSD interview series. We had a great conversation about the role of anger, grief and forgiveness in the healing process. Check out the video below!
"Anger and grief are feelings that arise when we experience a loss, a transgression, an injustice, a boundary violation, or a transition. They are embodied energy that alert us to what we value and what we need. They can be a way to honour what we have lost." -Andrea Papin
"Forgiveness is a word that we hear thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean and how important is it in the context of trauma?
Typically, the word “forgiveness” is used to describe the arrival at a state of peace, that involves a letting go of anger and resentment towards someone who has harmed us. In the context of trauma, we tend to think of an abuser, perpetrator, or even an event. We also tend to talk about forgiving ourselves.
All of these ways of talking about trauma seem to elude to a particular trajectory with an endpoint where we are healed, calm and wise. Now I don’t doubt that this is possible, but I don’t think that forgiveness is an endpoint, a necessity or a feeling state that is static." -Andrea Papin
Janet is overwhelmed with a wave of revulsion and nausea every time she breastfeeds her child. Mateo feels guilty every time he changes his son’s diaper, as if he is doing something wrong. Han is filled with paralyzing anxiety every time her boys play-fight. What do these parents have in common? They are all parenting with ACEs.
Many research studies have now established how ACEs, or Adverse Childhood Experiences, negatively impact mental and physical health over a lifetime. The CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study and subsequent surveys that show that most people in the U.S. have at least one ACE, and that people with four ACEs— including living with an alcoholic parent, racism, bullying, witnessing violence outside the home, physical abuse, and losing a parent to divorce — have a huge risk of adult onset of chronic health problems such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes, suicide, and alcoholism. An ACE score of six or more can shorten your lifespan by up to 20 years.
The question that is not being asked is, what happens when these survivors of childhood trauma grow up and have children of their own? Many survivors of childhood trauma are living with un-diagnosed PTSD that becomes un-manageable when they have kids of their own. These parents are blindsided by the sudden onset of flashbacks and triggers related to parenting. In the absence of information about this common occurrence, they are left feeling broken and alone….
To read the full article on Out of the Storm, click below:
I loved this conversation with Julia of The Self Advocate. She was not afraid to dive into the juicy stuff.
In this podcast episode we talk about:
-understanding common triggers that survivor parents face
-why I’m not a fan of the word “forgiveness”
-changing our understanding of abuse recovery
Click the button below to listen to the full episode:
Today I had an inspiring conversation with Ana Joanes of Wrestling Ghosts. We talked about how parenting is an opportunity for growth and healing, and the amazing potential we have to stop the generational cycle of abuse. This is my favourite quote from our conversation:
"This a documentary about breaking the cycle of trauma. How we parent is so deeply connected to how we were parented, and how we continue to parent the child within. The most important work we can do as parents... is to find ways to parent ourselves with love." Ana Joanes
Watch our conversation below: